Ode to the Obese

Corpulent people really piss me off. You know the ones, taking up two seats on the bus, while you stand in the aisle after woriking a double shift in a 110 degree kitchen. What on Earth do they do for a living I wonder? Probably nothing, then--and this is my favorite part--they bitch about how hard it is to be them. They talk about the health problems they have and you have to use all the energy that remains in your body to supress the urge to say "It's because you're fat!" You're putting a burden upon healthcare and it's your own fault! Die already!" Of course I probably sound heartless, and I sort of am, mostly after work and on a bus. Honestly I have little pity, I abide by the five or less rule (walk up or down the stairs if it's five flights or less and you aren't running late) and I ignore that candy bar while I'm checking out at the grocery store. You know which candy bar I mean, the one that says "Look! Hey! I'm caramel, almond, peanut butter, and pretzel all covered in chocolate!!" At any rate, fuck you fatties!


At the same time, when in a better mood and well rested I feel sorry for them. I know that they're people all the same with feelings and they probably feel awful on the inside and don't want to be obese but don't really know what to do. I also understand that it's pretty hard to eat healthy, expensive too, I can only do it because I steal....kidding...actually because I'm a really smart shopper, I cook at home, and I read a lot about health and nutrition. I'm not trying to sound perfect but if the shoe fits...

Seriously though, to all you fat people out there just get out and walk. Your knees, back, and hips will magically feel better if you lose weight, it'll be rough but no pain no gain, son!

PS: Get out of that seat and stand in the fucking aisle.